It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
