I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
this is an emotional support booty call
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
