she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
