I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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