I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
