chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
