mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
