apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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