Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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