Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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