and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
