Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
