We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
