The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
