Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Small penises have feelings too.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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