Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She needs sedatives and a leash
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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