Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
