im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
