Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
