would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
