I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
