So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
