I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
