Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
