Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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