Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
