I'm gonna have a badass scar
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
