Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
