Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
