just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
