your parents love me but you hate me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
