scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
