My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
