Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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