I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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