Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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