There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
