The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
