My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
