Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love accidental penises.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
