i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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