I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
