Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
