I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
