i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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