NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
