You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
