hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
