I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
