We're like a lot better than the average bears
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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