the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
