I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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