i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
