Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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