I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
