I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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