I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
