This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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