K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
