i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
